20 Ways To Have Phone Sex And *Actually* Make It Hot AF

But even if you’re not separated by hundreds of thousands of miles, phone sex can still be a great addition to any couple’s ~sexy time~ routine. Especially when a sexting session starts to actually lead somewhere, and you don’t feel like taking a quick shower and commuting 15-20 minutes to make it over to their place. 

Plus, at this very point in time, you probably have nothing better to do than totry a bunch of things you, up until now, haven’t made time for in your relationship (like afternoon sex, role-playing, bringing in new sex toys, etc.). Why not bring in some good ol’ wholesome phone sex you probably haven’t tried since middle school?

If the reasoning is because it’s awkward and weird, don’t worry. Take it from a sex and relationships editor: Phone sex really is kind’ve awesome… so long as you are equipped with the right tools and tips for making it actually slay. Scroll through for advice on how to nail your phone sex game. 

run through a yes/no/maybe list

Come up with a list of role-play fantasies, playthings, spanking specifics, etc. and ask your partner over the phone if it’d be a yes, no, or maybe for them to try on you. Here are some ideas to start with: light biting, bondage, lap dance, orgasm denial, rimming, etc. It’s like a sexy homework assignment, but instead of an A, you’ll get an orgasm.

hone in on the voyeurism fantasy

“Voyeurism is getting sexual excitement from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics sexologist. Use your phone time as an opportunity to describe exactly what you’re wearing, what you look like, how flushed your cheeks are, and exactly how you’re touching yourself. And if your partner is up to it, consider talking about a time you had sex with your partner as if your partner were watching.

get submissive or dominant

“Making your partner dictate where and when you can touch yourself is a great way to make phone sex more interactive and include both parties,” says Adina Mahalli, certified relationship expert at Maple Holistics. This will not only control the flow of conversation, but it’s also sexy to role-play in that submissive or dominant state. Then, when you hear your partner responding to your commands, switch it up and make them take the reins.

use toys

Don’t be afraid to break out your fave vibes to help stimulate your lady bits while you’re talking to your boo on the phone. “Explain the details of what you are using and how you are using them to your partner. Toys can increase the likelihood of orgasming and allow for more areas to be pleasured while on the phone,” says Mahalli. Put the buzz up to the speaker so your partner can hear exactly what you’re playing with.

start with sexting

Sometimes physically saying words out loud can leave you in a fumbled mess—especially when those words are erotic and sexual. So start by pregaming your phone sesh with a few fun and sexy text messages to get you thinkin’ right. “Sexting can escalate to phone sex, or you can do it exclusively until you’re comfortable getting on the phone,” says Danny Garrett, certified sex expert for The Enhanced Male.

don‘t worry about whether or not you‘re saying the right thing

Look, whatever feels good coming out of your mouth is most likely going to do a number on the person you’re saying the words to, okay? So don’t worry about whether or not you’re using the “right” or “sexiest” words. “Keep your statements simple and don’t worry about overly flowery language,” says Garrett. “Part of phone sex can be, ‘You make me hard’ or ‘I wish I could see you naked.’ It takes off a lot of pressure to perform.”

upgrade to premium

You know how Spotify free is, like, SO GOOD until you hit an ad and inevitably hand over your credit card number for premium? Try teasing your partner like you’re also a music-streaming service. Phone sex operator Lauren suggests “setting the stage” with a quick call or flirty text that will make your partner really look forward to talking with you. Try sending off a “can’t wait to hear your voice tonight,” to leave them wanting more. And feel free to use a pet bedroom name if you have one.

be vocal

Lauren says to draw out your words using soft whispers and sprinkle in a few playful sighs here and there while you’re talking. It helps if you’re already turned on before you talk on the phone. That way, you’re not going from “Listen to this annoying ass thing that happened to me at the grocery store today” to “You like that?”

listen to your partner

Your partner will give their own clues as to whether or not you’re hitting the right buttons. You might find yourself following along with your partner’s imagination or you might be taking the reins yourself. If you’re shy, your partner might only need to know that you’re a willing participant to take off and lead for you.

roleplay

Another way to lead your partner into it if you’re both feeling awkward is to set up a role-play scenario. Lauren suggests, “Imagine I’m a sex robot you can program to do whatever you want. What do you program me to do?”

talk about those #tbts

Build on existing memories you two share. For example, “Remember when we were in Aruba and I was teasing you on the beach with my cleavage and later the sex was soooo hot? Imagine if I had done [insert alternative sexy activity].” Some jumping off points, should you need: “What if you realised I was wearing a strap-on under my bikini?” or “What if we were invited by a sexy woman on the beach to have a threesome?

live vicariously through the phone

You’re not obligated to talk only about stuff you have done or necessarily will do, during phone sex. Let’s say, you really love the fantasy of public sex, but, you know, don’t have any actual plans to follow through on that. Phone sex is a great and safe place to talk about the things you wouldn’t or couldn’t do in real life. “Imagine if we were at an elegant restaurant and you were under the tablecloth, eating me out while the waiter took our order” or “What if we were at a party full of sexy people and they all just started f*cking in front of us?”

try “confessional” time

Make like your favourite reality show stars and start spilling! Phone sex is a great platform for testing the waters for your secret fantasies. Say something like, “I confess I’ve always wanted you to go down on me while I rant about that totally passive-aggressive thing my roommate did” or “I confess that I fantasise about understanding what a vaginal orgasm feels like.” Finding out what your partner’s “confessions” are can be great fodder for future phone-sex fantasies.

explore new places…with your words

Maybe you hate the outdoors and would never in a million years be caught doing water sports. There’s nothing stopping you from exploring a phone-sex fantasy of getting it on in a raft in the lake when the lake…is in your mind. Think of as many different scenarios as you can: the library, the back of your car, Paris, in an airplane, at a Costco, etc. As for role-play scenarios, Lauren suggests: cop, sexy nurse. And for sexy situations: caught with an erection, caught masturbating, being alone in a castle, deserted beach, or BDSM party.

don’t forget about pillow talk

Lauren says just like with IRL sex, it’s important to reconnect after phone sex with laughter and wind-down talk after you both orgasm. So, make sure you both block out enough time to do this after things get hot and heavy on the phone. Although phone sex quickies can be just as hot too.

phone sex can be an appetiser, not just the main event

Imagine you had that sexy conversation right as your partner was about to leave work and come home? Just IMAGINE the sparks that would fly as soon as they walked through that door. This is also a good tip for couples new to the phone-sex game. Treating phone sex as sexy little appetizing pieces can help take some of the pressure off.

be safe

It’s perfectly acceptable to tell your partner these are your fantasies for phone sex only and not fantasies for reality. Be sure you trust your partner and that he/she won’t weaponise them against you later. Lauren says if you can’t answer quickly and strongly YES to the question, “Do I trust my partner?” you might be better off trying something else. Safe, sane, and consensual is the motto to keep in mind.

don‘t be afraid of lulls of silence

Although laughing through the awkwardness may work for some people, if it takes you out of the moment, try redirecting to an earlier point of the conversation. “You were talking about blow jobs earlier…I bet you can imagine my warm lips on your penis right now.” Or shift the onus back to your partner with a hot potato-y “Tell me more about what you’d do to me.”

take a detour if you need it

Let’s say your partner goes from 0 to 60 real fast and starts calling you names you find disrespectful. It’s important for both parties to understand that it’s okay to call a “detour” (detour is a word that can keep things moving, as opposed to stop). Agree that either can say, “Not working, let’s detour to you describing going down on me.” In this, both parties recognize that turn-ons aren’t necessarily personality defects. If he calls you a dirty little whore, it may not (and likely does not) mean he really feels that way in real life. So a failed direction doesn’t have to risk the relationship. Now if he persists in calling you names even though you have clearly indicated you dislike it, that’s a completely different issue and a red flag.

don‘t be afraid to cut them off

Give a mouse a cookie and he’ll ask you to “let me see.” If your partner keeps pressuring you to have Skype sex or FaceTime sex and you’re not comfortable with that, Lauren suggests saying something like, “Oh, no, baby, you only get to see my body in person, when you can touch it and kiss it…the whole package.” She explains that this way, you can use your imagination more, without the distraction of visuals getting in the way.

This article originally appeared on Cosmopolitan US. 

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